The Voice

Being an over thinker, I analyze everything to the point of becoming mentally disabled. In other words, I tend to paralyze myself with an over active imagination which overworks my thoughts. For example, Let’s say I’m in a relationship and I see my guy is on Facebook and doesn’t respond to my text. These questions come to mind: “Is he talking to someone else?” or “Is he getting tired of me?” If I see he likes another girl’s picture, I think “Is he attracted to her?” or “Do they have something going on?” Like a firecracker, sparks of anger immediately boil up inside my head. My thoughts are running 100 mph of every possible circumstance that could be the reason he has offended me in some way when in reality, he hasn’t. Of course, he has other friends or can communicate with other girls. Isn’t that normal behavior? So, I have come to realize that voice in my head is telling me those things as a guard, a guard to stay aware and be protected because of my past experiences. That voice is the negative force inside me tricking me into feeling unwanted. I don’t want to feel this way, but my mind has been swayed due to past feelings of loneliness. If someone sets off a trigger of mine, that voice in my mind will take over. The voice will literally drive me insane; to the point I will distance myself from anyone I believe is going to do me wrong. But I have come to this conclusion: I’m not letting my ego (the voice) take control anymore. It becomes mentally exhausting to constantly worry and have a guard up. I don’t feel at peace with myself when the voice appears in the back of my head. I now have exercises that keep me on the path of taking back control. These strategies keep me on the right path of optimism by substituting something positive. At first, I allowed 5 minutes of overthinking, but then stopped myself. I can now look at the bigger picture. For example, if the guy I’m dating likes a girl’s picture, I can change my jealous thinking to he just likes the picture with no bad intention at all. If my guy did not have other people in his life, that would be cause to worry. But, of course, he is normal. It’s not easy at all, but I’m teaching myself and letting the voice know I am in control and can take back over my thoughts. Slowly, I hope to be rid of that voice that’s not really a part of me, but instead hindering me in my relationships. After a week of this exercise, I started to not allow myself no more than a minute. That wasdefinitely a challenge! Telling myself, “I don’t need your opinion,” causes a change in my negative thinking to my goals. What next step do I need to pursue my dream coming to reality? I have come a long way when it comes to my thoughts and the voice of negativity. I don’t over think as much as before and it feels great to know I’m in control. Just like anything else it takes practice. There are still days I have setbacks and still over think which can change my mood so fast, but those days are becoming fewer and fewer.

I’m still in the beginning of learning to take back control. These days I really focus on myself, I choose to read, write on my blog, hike the great outdoors or even just take a nice bubble bath while listening to reggae music. Days like that you just need to find what relaxes you and makes YOU overcome those thoughts putting you back at peace. So ‘peace out’ and rock on with positivity!

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