My heart is aching, my mind is always racing.
I always hide the pain with laughter and when I’m alone the tears come after.
I’m not insane, just broken inside from peoples insensitive actions that scarred my brain.
Now those memories haunt me today, I don’t know how to get them to go away.
When someone hits my trigger button, I think, think and think wanting to run somewhere far away so no one can hurt me.
I feel crazy, I feel like a mess but its what people made me become from those lonely, hard days I had to try to careless
As I lay my head down to rest, my mind takes over and not for the best.
I’m learning to be in control of my thoughts but its harder than you think.
I’m going to keep trying so I can be the real me.
I promise I’m not a downer, or even a constant frowner.
I just have a misunderstood mind that was created with disaster. No one truly understands unless they been through this battle. Its something I’m ashamed of, its something I’m not proud of. But its a part of me that will be healed someday, somehow.
Daydreams are the most common form of altered consciousness. It enables us to quickly move into an altered state at almost any time. We can shift from alert consciousness to wandering daydream in a blink of an eye. Daydreams are not typically a complete exclusion from the outside world but are a focus inward on our thoughts and imagined experiences. It takes us away from pressures and stress. It even motivates us to accomplish goals faster. Sometimes it might help with clearing your mind from all the negativity or problems going on in your life. Daydreaming, wandering mind can be a good thing, if you let it. It opens your mind; you start to mix reality with fantasies. You’re visioning and feeling inside how you want your life to be and goals you want to accomplish. But those daydreams that occur throughout your day can happen. If you can see and feel yourself doing it, you obviously can do it! Those visions’, imaginations that your wandering mind creates is you focusing on yourself and something you truly want in life. Why not go for it than? If you can daydream it, you can do it. If you can imagine yourself where you want to be in reality, you can take action and make that daydream become your future. Always think to yourself, if you can see yourself there, you can be there.
Being an over thinker, I analyze everything to the point of becoming mentally disabled. In other words, I tend to paralyze myself with an over active imagination which overworks my thoughts. For example, Let’s say I’m in a relationship and I see my guy is on Facebook and doesn’t respond to my text. These questions come to mind: “Is he talking to someone else?” or “Is he getting tired of me?” If I see he likes another girl’s picture, I think “Is he attracted to her?” or “Do they have something going on?” Like a firecracker, sparks of anger immediately boil up inside my head. My thoughts are running 100 mph of every possible circumstance that could be the reason he has offended me in some way when in reality, he hasn’t. Of course, he has other friends or can communicate with other girls. Isn’t that normal behavior? So, I have come to realize that voice in my head is telling me those things as a guard, a guard to stay aware and be protected because of my past experiences. That voice is the negative force inside me tricking me into feeling unwanted. I don’t want to feel this way, but my mind has been swayed due to past feelings of loneliness. If someone sets off a trigger of mine, that voice in my mind will take over. The voice will literally drive me insane; to the point I will distance myself from anyone I believe is going to do me wrong. But I have come to this conclusion: I’m not letting my ego (the voice) take control anymore. It becomes mentally exhausting to constantly worry and have a guard up. I don’t feel at peace with myself when the voice appears in the back of my head. I now have exercises that keep me on the path of taking back control. These strategies keep me on the right path of optimism by substituting something positive. At first, I allowed 5 minutes of overthinking, but then stopped myself. I can now look at the bigger picture. For example, if the guy I’m dating likes a girl’s picture, I can change my jealous thinking to he just likes the picture with no bad intention at all. If my guy did not have other people in his life, that would be cause to worry. But, of course, he is normal. It’s not easy at all, but I’m teaching myself and letting the voice know I am in control and can take back over my thoughts. Slowly, I hope to be rid of that voice that’s not really a part of me, but instead hindering me in my relationships. After a week of this exercise, I started to not allow myself no more than a minute. That wasdefinitely a challenge! Telling myself, “I don’t need your opinion,” causes a change in my negative thinking to my goals. What next step do I need to pursue my dream coming to reality? I have come a long way when it comes to my thoughts and the voice of negativity. I don’t over think as much as before and it feels great to know I’m in control. Just like anything else it takes practice. There are still days I have setbacks and still over think which can change my mood so fast, but those days are becoming fewer and fewer.
I’m still in the beginning of learning to take back control. These days I really focus on myself, I choose to read, write on my blog, hike the great outdoors or even just take a nice bubble bath while listening to reggae music. Days like that you just need to find what relaxes you and makes YOU overcome those thoughts putting you back at peace. So ‘peace out’ and rock on with positivity!
Have you ever decided against doing something because you were scared of what other people thought? Did lack of self confidence make you even more paranoid than before? We’ve all been there. However, you shouldn’t let other’s judgmental comments stop you from doing whatever you love. We shouldn’t care what other people think. If you’re rich or poor, male or female, people will judge you no matter what. It’s a fact! Why let that stop you from living.
I use to be afraid of what people thought of me. This fear held me back from many fun, exciting and social opportunities. Most of these people are not even in my life anymore. Imagine that! As kids and teenagers, we become so paranoid because we do not want our peers to think differently of us. I feared others would judge me. For example, one time I remember I was taking a family wellness class. All the students had to partner up with someone because we were going to have a fashion design contest in front of the entire school. I was going to be the runway model and my partner was designing the dress. I was so excited! When time got closer to show off the design, I started slowly backing out. The voice in my head was making me so paranoid. All I could think about was “what if something goes wrong” or “what if I don’t look good in the dress and everybody will make fun of me.” I had all these thoughts about what will people think and it made me back out of an school activity that I was super stoked about.
I finally realized that people’s opinions don’t matter and shouldn’t be guiding my choices in life. The ones that do matter will stand by our side no matter if they agree or disagree. I always say, “We only have one life.” Why not do whatever you want, have fun, and get out of your comfort zone. That is the key GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE! Do you think that pop star just jumped on stage one day and began singing? No, of course he/she didn’t. I’m sure there were many moments of uncomfortable rejections. Or how about that lawyer that seems to know all the answers. Years of college, preparation and testing would not always have been the most comfortable. Strain your brain, work hard and go that extra mile no matter the challenge at hand. Once you stop caring what other people think you’re going to start living your life to the fullest, and I promise you will love it.
The first step to anything is to take action. That’s simply what I’ve done. I have started my journey to becoming a self-mastered person, which means I’m in the process of mastering my ego-mind to such a degree that the mind acts as a servant, granting myself the empowerment to actualize my own divine potential! This world does not make this journey home to YOURSELF easy. I learned two things about myself. Instead of approaching the obstacle head on, I would run away from the dark tunnel when coming face to face with my core fears that I’ve been battling my entire life. Also, I used my search for enlightenment as a way to keep my mind busy. While I was taking in the positive, I felt great; but when I stopped… everything negative inside would come rushing back up to the surface. Enlightenment, alone, only leads to intellectual faith, and faith without action is useless! I never empowered that knowledge.
The seven stages of change will lead this journey to myself. Refusal to accept pain or failure is when my pain and uncomfortable sensations surface. Awareness is defined as having knowledge or consciousness. I’ll begin to see and experience the benefits of my self-mastery processes. I’ll feel my repressed emotions beginning to surface. I’ll be on the verge of true release and healing. Recognition, during this stage, will give me enough courage to allow my emotional issues to remain conscious long enough so that I can view them holistically. Expansion, my old paradigms begin to shift. I’ll dis-create my old, fixed beliefs and expand my definition of who I am and what I can accomplish in life. Responsibility, my spiritual enlightenment, has progressed to such a degree, that I will be willing to take full responsibility for my past, present and future. Self-empowerment, I’ll begin to master how to dis-create my old, negative beliefs and begin to consciously choose empowering beliefs to replace them. The final stage is creation, which happens when I can create anything that I desire at will. I’m no longer restricted by unconscious, negative, fixed belief patterns. I’m just at the beginning and it seems so scary. Scary because my old belief systems are in a state of flux and my new self -mastery beliefs haven’t solidified yet. My fear-based foundation is being drugged up and replaced with a spiritual foundation of love. This journey will take time, but in the end I’ll be in control not my ego, a healthy ego.
There is no time to be bored in a world as beautiful as this!
Let them judge you. Let them misunderstand you. Let them gossip about you. Their opinions aren’t your problen. You stay kind, committed to love, and free in your authenticity. No matter what they do or say don’t you dare doubt your worth or the beauty of your truth. Just keep on shining like you do!