I’m scare to trust
I know I must
Its hard when I been left in the dust
And lied to so much
My past made me this way
Memories come to mind if my trigger was press some days
Those days are the toughest for me
Because those memories seem to stay
I want to trust
I really do
But it seems my fear takes over me
And makes me feel blue
Its not your fault for me not to trust
Its something that was there before you
I just think to much
I’m trying so hard to overcome these fears
I allowed myself to get out of my comfort zone this year.
When you think something is wrong its just me trying to control these feelings inside that I have stringing along.
I must say, I have came a long way
But its still not enough to keep me feeling sane.
I try to be the best
I try to be enough
My imperfections take over
Its not something im proud of
I’m not the prettiest
I’m not the smartest
I’m the loyalists
Something that goes far
My hair is not always done
My skin is not unblemished
My outer appearance isn’t something you’ll see on social medias body image
But my soul is free
I don’t wear a mask
My heart is big
But shattered like broken glass
I try to be the best
The best in your eyes
I try so hard for you
You don’t even realize
But outside beauty can be found all around
Inside beauty is rare and worth being found.
That’s why I focus on the in
Instead of the out
Because my inner beauty is going to stay
While my outer beauty fades away.
Look in the mirror and love what you see
Your beautiful as you can be
Don’t allow yourself to drown in the sea with all the negativity
Someone will always judge you for the imperfection of your beauty
Accept who you are, focus on who you want to be.
There is someone that will see you as a perfect angel, your true natural beauty that shines like nothing that’s ever been seen.
Until then look in the mirror
love what you see.
Never forget you are
your own kind of beauty.
My mind is not racing
I’m in control
today is a good day
I’m not going to let the voice take it away. Because I feel like the real me and I want that feeling to stay.
Its not easy, I can truly say
But I’m going to keep fighting that voice in my head because I’m getting stronger and more in control each day I push it away
I want give up on days I feel overwhelmed and dazed
Or even the days I’m lost and depressed
I’m thankful for the ones that believe and is staying by my side
Helping me overcome these thoughts that aren’t truly mine.
Without yall’s support I probably still be weak and crying myself to sleep.
My heart is aching, my mind is always racing.
I always hide the pain with laughter and when I’m alone the tears come after.
I’m not insane, just broken inside from peoples insensitive actions that scarred my brain.
Now those memories haunt me today, I don’t know how to get them to go away.
When someone hits my trigger button, I think, think and think wanting to run somewhere far away so no one can hurt me.
I feel crazy, I feel like a mess but its what people made me become from those lonely, hard days I had to try to careless
As I lay my head down to rest, my mind takes over and not for the best.
I’m learning to be in control of my thoughts but its harder than you think.
I’m going to keep trying so I can be the real me.
I promise I’m not a downer, or even a constant frowner.
I just have a misunderstood mind that was created with disaster. No one truly understands unless they been through this battle. Its something I’m ashamed of, its something I’m not proud of. But its a part of me that will be healed someday, somehow.